The engine gave out. The vibrations faded at twenty thousand feet above ground. The gurgling appeared after the impact. The heap of scrap metal coughed up its liters of life. No procedure altered the signals of weakness. Alone, reckoning with its rough, shed skin, I dove.
Beneath my wings, the infinite azure foamed away endlessly. Everything disappeared with the perforation of a cottony layer. The silky thickness filled me with illusions. My paralyzed wings tore through its repose. Oblique streaks extended from its extremities. I noticed a piece of the perforated canopy. Helmet, gloves, flight suit… Everything mingled with the fog. The creature fell from the sky.
Not for lack of work or anticipation regarding these events. We saw and re-saw all eventualities on a loop. Theory and its fringes…
The edges of the terrestrial circle appeared. The confines of the abysses. I went where the seas, in eternity, cascaded. Comrades met her. How to know if they dared to greet her? This supposed courage left behind the imprint of nothingness. Yesterday present. Today absent. The journey undertaken extended a little.
« That only happens to others, » whispered the inner hiss.
Dislocating my phalanges, I pulled on the vital bar. The Dantean effort offered a more favorable angle.
« Slow down! »
Reducing drag, I hastily returned the stick. I engaged the first flap to glide. But with the airspeed indicator pointing to the bloody arc—I reversed course. In vain, I attempted the forbidden: an in-flight restart. Double or nothing. The sound produced was an ogre’s roar. Instantly, the carcass’s lung was damaged. So ephemeral seemed my small victory. The altimeter dial rewound time.
The coast was about ten kilometers away. At this speed, only the blue concrete invited me with its grace. The canopy tore. The sky claimed its rights.
Milky, a smell of warm fruit spread. Wine sugar settled on the tip of my lips. I began my own decomposition. The surrounding air distended. Thought, gradually, projected a display of visions.
Then came the voices of comrades; those animated debates between mechanics and pilots at the aerodrome.
“Seven minutes, a whole lifetime!”
They repeated, like parrots, the stories passed down from one generation to the next. The era of pioneers and their caught white locks. Yes, the popular rumors… I truly believed in their cynical veracity.
“I should have listened more closely,” I thought. The vapors stirred. The mist encircled an immaculate silhouette. Standing, unshakeable, I recognized the figure’s contrasting features. Leaning on my shoulder, the long-awaited man superimposed himself on me. Gleaming, he emerged. The cockpit was covered with a floral layer. He watched in silence. His posture encouraged me. A symbiosis was born. It belonged only to us. The glory of his pride captivated me. His precious contours diminished. The reflections disappeared.
Intimate calm offered itself to my father. He participated in the macabre ballets. Four victories to his credit. He never spoke of them. I discovered this the day I decided to follow in his footsteps. Everywhere caught up by his surname. But he left before my first solo flight, reducing me to a surface larva in the solitude of the swamp.
« My loved ones, my friends, my village. What would they all think? »
This feeling of being outside oneself, of elsewhere — the vertigo of the guillotined. A foolish smile appeared. That one, no one could remove or doubt its authenticity. Sincere and fatalistic, in the manner of portraits admired by devoted populations. Hero, ordinary, damned, whimsical? No category fit. The categorical refusal. Fiercely, I dodged the insertions. Scratched in indelible ink; the only notation retained and declaimed: inability to survive.
Time passed, and patiently they waited.
« No doubt a hitch! », some exclaimed, « He won't be long, night is approaching! », others yelled.
Then, as the sun was split by the horizon line, some took off. They clung powerfully to the thought: « We don't leave a comrade adrift » — these buried, unspoken words. Many times, we skimmed prairies, forests, or rivers. A back-and-forth subjected above approximate expanses. Searching faithfully for smoke, then not far off, an ember. An invisible grain of sand. Deep down, we knew.
These unleashed flames delighted in ceremonial meals. The crazy ants were decimated in abominable whirlwinds. I anticipated the processions. These stirring words capable of annihilating. They held themselves soberly, then the page turned. A carved stone amidst obelisks. Not even ashes to stir — I no longer existed.
« Would it be fire or ice? I hope for appeasement, even an intermission. But I fear the awakening of others. Worse, the sleeping darkness. »
Centuries of speculation. I arrived at the answer. « Pull yourself together! »
Instinctively, I shook myself. The released stick firmed up, my fists created craters on the frost of the scoreboard. The bell rang. The fight began. I sent the signals via waves. The two dreaded syllables were pronounced amidst the crackling. The penultimate shot was intercepted. Critical.
Ejection seat? Unusable. Distress flares? Untraceable on board. No last hurrah before departure.
« Me and my luck… »
If the vital bar I pulled jammed, an unfortunate West-to-East movement engaged. I spun. Frantically, the bluish hues swirled. The seat derailed and my skull hit the fuselage. The untamed animal spat its venom. The tube attached to the helmet, like an umbilical cord, breathed its remaining oxygen into me. A sharp pain surged from my abdomen. I regained contact. I didn't know how, but amidst the shimmering, I managed to stabilize myself.
Trembling, the needle passed the last bar. My eardrums imploded. 1,300 kilometers per hour. Disintegration.
« Why underestimate capabilities? »
Before the stardust, a record was thwarted. If only I could have borne witness to it.
Suddenly, incantations appeared. Their enchanting songs brushed against my skin. They asked me if everything was alright? We embraced tenderly. Oh, the voluptuousness of comforting kisses… They dared to love me.
I took this path; that of distant sojourns. I have accumulated so much since. I doubted myself to the point of being lost. My worth nonexistent. The perpetual landing. My flesh shivered at the words — Tears flowed from me. And, it was whispered in the din:
« I want to go home. »
With arms outstretched to virgin lands, adventure called me. Crossing the peaks where the wind leads, I soared from journey to metamorphoses. Ah, this profession — a refuge for transient souls. The throngs and dramas of solid ground left a bitter taste. Up there, purely, plenitude spread. I cradled myself in the sparkling mountain flanks. Spring invited the millennial meadows. And the estuaries, like vases, attracted curious boats.
Once, I transported men. But the enterprises sank, and then, their astral conceptions with them. We had to don the uniform, saluting the new leaders with clicking boots. Duty caught us; inevitably.
Reigning, violence gangrened with its sticky tentacles. Its injunctions? Submissive as to the rhythm of an orchestral baton. The headlong flight. Absolute despotism. The masters of the game and the habits imposed by the dice. There we closed the loop of bipeds; the inevitable recommencement.
« Poor insects, copied from the divine, and their burdens of conscience… »
On that day, from another continent, I made a stop on the Isle of Beauty. The battle raged. But the requested reinforcement failed. The hunters became prey. And, in descent, so close to my heart, my country blurred into a mirage. My beautiful Riviera; harpooned in the humidified prism of my eyes.
Cast into this peril, tamed by its grandeur, the sovereign whip rendered me docile. These inextricable moments, lived by so many others, I bore as a cruel heritage. The result was identical.
Soon, the aviators’ Milky Way welcomed me. These martyrs of the skies navigating the ocean of salutary rest.
Momentarily, the breeze carried the cries of gulls. The gusts brought me beyond a pale dune frontier, then purple pastures germinated.
« They heard me… »
Small clock towers overlooked stone dwellings. Cypresses lined up like brushes along the paths. Like a swell, the sheaves swayed in rhythm. All the white dots became still. They must have admired the shooting star, exchanging banter.
The universe smoothed my thoughts. My eternal fields. I bothered no one. No additional unnecessary damage. I came to thank my soil, my promised land. Quietude tied itself to my soul. No longer so far from the advent. I approached.
Yet everything continued. The spark crackled. The cross was hoisted. The seven minutes became seven decades. I arrived. A few meters from touchdown, I inhaled deeply.
Farewell.
*
My nose tickled. Tipping back, a harsh luminosity suddenly appeared. A marked expanse emerged. Spreading out from the vanishing point, lavender and its lineages strolled towards infinity. That perfect scent of childhood…
Seated, light, afflicted with superficial pains, the continuity of this flying body was intact. A miracle.
A slight crack broke the calm. Turning around, a little girl no bigger than three apples pointed her tiny finger in my direction. At the tip of her nose, translucent, a magnificent creature beat its four wings. This marvel sparkled with a thousand lights. It took flight…
The little girl came forward. Delicately, she touched the fuselage. Then, on the breath of the wind, she pronounced in a singing tone: "Steel Dragonfly."
This name, at last, felt like a promise kept.